Fri, Feb. 2nd, 2007, 01:43 pm
Bye Bye Past
I was a really stupid little kid.... at 22 years old. At 26 I'm feeling a little better about myself ;) I know that these things can get me through:
1. My God
2. My wife
3. My Boy
I'm going to start keeping this journal up again. I'm leaving behind all the sorted mess which comes before this post. True perspective. Real Perspective. Thats what I hope you all see here. I hope I can help someone with this thing instead of running around like I did in '04 trying to impress so and so. So embarrassing. I heard a great sermon on this and I think it's applicable. My wife wanted to know what I was thinking about when he preached. It was probably the whole mess that started in '99 then had a second installment c. '04. This verse tells it all and it's so great:
12 It's not that I've already reached the goal or have already completed the course. But I run to win that which Jesus Christ has already won for me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I can't consider myself a winner yet. This is what I do: I don't look back, I lengthen my stride, and 14 I run straight toward the goal to win the prize that God's heavenly call offers in Christ Jesus. 15 Whoever has a mature faith should think this way. And if you think differently, God will show you how to think. 16 However, we should be guided by what we have learned so far.
I'm alive w00t! No complaints. I've made a decision about school... is that possible? :-p you know it. I've spent that last two days doing a bit of reading, and reflection, and "fighting the demon within" Muhahahahahahaha. :-p
Right now is just a perfect time to thank God for everythign he's done, is doing, and will do for me. Without HIM, i'm nothing. i thank him for giving me an identity, an identity in his Son that noone can take from me.(Now if I could learn to walk in that identity 24-7-365.25 I'd be doing good.)
I'm speaking in sundayschool this sunday and I'm planning on teaching Out of Romans 6. I just finished up my lesson plan, so, I'm ready. Today has been kinda fast paced, nothing really interesting to any of ya's but fast paced for me none the less. Anyway, I'm about to get to studying for a couple tests that I'm hoping will bring me exemptions to some college classes hehe. Yeah good luck right?
Anyway I'm rambling which is a telltale sign to wrap it up eh Bernard? Disreguard that last one as it's so inside I doubt ANYONE reading this will get it. But it's funny to me anyway. So all of ya'll please offer up a prayer for my friend Khrystle, as she's facing a likely loss in her family. Or thats what I understand.. not sure the situation 100% or nature of it, just know she needs some prayer. Also, keep me in your prayers, and I'll be praying for all of you's!
Peace, Shalom, Good stuff,
Sun, Jul. 11th, 2004, 08:53 pm
So yeah, It's like been a while. Or at least it seems so. The last couple months for me have been a whirlwind and I scarcely wakeup from one dream before i'm carried off into another. And so, it would seem are the days of my life. But alas, could it be that a simple ammount of stability could enter my life? Could it be that I've actually decided to return to school full time, and start over with at least a semi clean slate, to actually make something of myself? Perhaps, Doctor Nathaniel Wagner? I suppose it is.
While deadlines draw closer on me it might help to decide where I'm going to go to school, but my acceptance at two pretty nice local schools combined with my high level score at my recent SAT showing should help me out a bit. I guess the real questions now is where will i get the most money towards my school. At any rate I've run myself into the time where i'm on two dorm waiting lists and dealing with several school councelors yada yada. Time aparently is up and I'll really need to decide by Wednesday. Pray that I make the right choices here.
Lets see, lets see. Ah yes I'm also in a couple of bands one of which is abot to Start getting into recording an album. This is exciting, however I'm sure the studio time will be trying in the least. I'm not 100% sure the world is ready to... or even wishes to hear songs penned and sung by me, but hey the other members are awesome.
I guess what I'm really most happy about is the fact that God is really showing himself to me lately. He's showed me a lot about myself that even I didn't know. he's tought me to appreciate myself.. and where I come from. He's taught me that everything I am and everywhere I've been are a part of who I am. Where I used to fear who I am and who I am becoming, I now look forward to it with an urgency to follow Him. Jesus Rocks dudes.
I guess I'll leave you with a little verse that has been teaching me a lot.
james 4 starting in verse 7.
Submit yourselves therefore unto God
Resist the Devil.
And he will flee from you.
Draw Nigh to God.
And HE will draw nigh to you.
While I will probably expound on that some in SHF, I hope that that will bless you all in your days where you have troubles. For me todays one of those.
You know it's allways a funny thing when you deal with people. Especially those from whom you intend to or ARE ALLREADY purchasing services from. So as many of you know i moved out of my house last month and into a brand new apartment complex. When I moved the cable company said they'd have the cable up soon, so i'm thinking within the week. So I tell them to go ahead and set me up. Well here it is a month later and I'm like ok I finally have cable, so I think INTERNET w00t.
Now they tell me that it's going to be 2 to three more weeks before I have access to the internet from home. Now that leads me to ask one simple question.
WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THAT.
Here I am paying these people for something I'm not even getting. So I cal and say to them I say "Hey yo, I'm not going to pay for stuff I haven't gotten or been able to use. I'm on a very tight budget here."
And then they give me a bunch of crapola, but FINALLY wipe the charges they intended me to pay for my month of no service. People really think that they can just pressure you into stuff, but not this old boy not this time.
But then it's funny. Tomorrow I'm going to be working full time with my dad making about 3 to 4 times what i was in my other job. This is absolutely awesome. I mean I hadn't really been even praying for the oportunity of a new job even though I knew I needed one. But then God just comes through and it's like WOW. I didnt' ask for this and yet he knows I need it and he gives it to me.
Theres so many things going on with me. A lot of things that I wouldn't even try to explain here, but God knows and he's going to take care of it. There is a thing or two that this job will fix, but mainly it's going to be the endall for the one thing that I've carried with me for far too long. Whenever I seem to get ahead, I find that i am all too far behind. I think i'm going to catch up and then I fail.
I guess most of all I'm tired of being a failure. I'm tired of letting people down... of letting myself down. i'm tired of losing everyone who I hold dear because I fail to drop the other foot in bounds. i've had enough of that. The one thing that I seem to have allways been lacking is the funding to change my life, however God has decided to give me a chance even when I grew tired of asking.
here's your shocker of the day. I'm considering going into criminal law, as opposed to psychology. It's true I am co owner of a computer solutions company and best cvase scenario is for that to take off but I want to be prepared if it doesn't. I love debate, and I think that i could picture myself as an asst. DA on the prosecution side of the ballgame. Law is really a fascinating thing to me, and since I've been accepted to a few schools now i need to decide how i'm going to go from there. I guess pray for me on that aspect.
More than anything I want all my online friends to know that I do love all of ya'll and i'm sorry that i haven't been around. I'm still alive, and working on getting the whole internet thing worked out. Don't none of yall give up on me or dig my internet grave. I'm still alive and kicking in the RL world and soon I'l be back. Whether thats a good or bad thing hehe thats up to you. :-p
Oh yeah I attended the Music Midtown festival in atlanta this weekend and aside from it being fully rainy it was fun for what it was. Good bands, good friends.
Anyway enough babble from me much love to all of you and look to be making more regular updates ASAP.
Thu, Mar. 4th, 2004, 10:14 pm
BUTFL 4 3VR
Here's a little ditty I penned up this afternoon. It's come together pretty good. Or at least I think so hope yall's enjoys it.
There's something in the way you laugh
That calms my deepest fears.
Something about the way you smile
That heals the hurting years.
Theres something in your dancing eyes,
That shatters all my doubts.
And every time I think of you
I smile inspite of myself.
And I believe in you for Everythign you are.
Make a wish little girl uppon a falling star.
Take all your hopes and your dreams an hold them in your heart.
And stay beautiful as ever Forever.
When it seems your world
has fallen all round.
And you hopes and dreams
have all come falling down.
When your frends have gone
and left you by yourself.
Close those pretty eyes,
And fly away to somewhere else!
No matter what they say.
You are beautiful.
no matter how you feel today.
You are Beautiful.
Thu, Mar. 4th, 2004, 09:55 pm
Well it's been a millenia since i updated. I think it's about time. I guess things have been about as well as I can expect them to be. Everything in my life is not perfect.. in fact.. far from it. But i'm where God intends me to be and moving towards where he wants me to be tomorrow.
It seems today has been a day where I've just been down for no real reason. Stuff happens. I've been second guessing myself and worrying constantly about things not in my spectrum of control, however, I'm feeling ok. I think its days like today that go to prove sometimes God doesnt' intend us to KNOW everythign thats going on in our lives and the situations therein, all he asks is that we talk to him and follow his lead.
To make a longer story, much shorter, pray for my friend Michelle. She's unsaved, and she's living a life thats bound to get her hurt or even killed. Theres not much more I can do to help her except pray for her. I wonder =/ But God has a plan this i know. And I pray that someone will be able to reach her better than i was.
Sat, Feb. 21st, 2004, 03:43 pm
Well the past two days have been interesting for me to say the very least. God has shown Himself strong yet again in his direction for my life and confirmed that in so many ways. He's given me a direction again in writing my book which is cool because it is somthign that Ir eally feel he is going to use, and he even got me a co author on the book.
He's also showed me how to let go of trying to label his will and to just be confident in his time and his timing. Which is soemthing I've struggled with lately. God is great and his plans and ways are higher than mine and sometimes hard to understand but I'll follow him no matter what. And that is the greatest motivation in the world.
Mon, Feb. 16th, 2004, 09:24 pm
Well today i called up Tonya to touch base with her, and she seemd like a zombe. She was just hitting me with 1 word answers abotu everything. So I tried my best to see what was wrong if anything so I could help her. however the conversation seemed to be going nowhere. Eventually it was like she was just separated form the conversation by the time we hung up *shakes head*
It was the first time talking to her since last week as I couldnt' reach her every time I tried, but somehow... *shakes head* I don't know what was wrong with her exactly, but I think it has somethign to do with the realization of our situation. It hurts me... because... I really value her friendship, but I also really value God's direction and will for my life more than that... I don't even know if thats really the issue.
All I know is the conversation sounded like two people who didnt' know anythign about eac other talking and I've known her for three years. I guess just pray for me... pray for her... Because It's obvious that she's down and if it's nto me it's something.. so any prayers would be had.
Ok an update is well past due. So here's the skinny. It's been an interesting week, Some pretty bad stuff has happened, but then again some pretty good stuff too hehe. All in all I'm just trying to seek God's will in my life and learn patience.
I started writing a story today, it's a techno thriller kinda flavor to it. We'll see how it goes. We had some guest music today at church and it was good. I enjoyed the service a lot Pastor really hit the nail on the head for me.
Anyway, I've been writing a lot of music lately of several varieties, maybe sometime soon I'll post some of them here or something. We'll see hehe. Anyway I started assembling a band today it's really cool cause I may get to play some of the songs I've been writing for people which is allways cool.
Anyway, everyone take care and holla at me!
Thu, Jan. 22nd, 2004, 10:04 pm
He yeah that's right, whatever. So yeah it's been one of those days. While my mood overall is good, It's really beginning to set in on me that I have very little life. I suppose on the one hand that's good, on the other it sucks. While on the one hand I've been focusing my engery on my walk with God, on the other, on the other hand I spend a great deal of time feeling lonely. It's natural really, doesn't mean it dont' suck hehe.
On a good note it appears that I'm getting a promotion at work just in time for me to quit this fall. Yay. At any rate, I'm alive, and around. Things look good, despite my worts perpensity towards making everythign I touch a disaster hehe. Sheesh. I luv ya'lls tho.