t1racer

I was a really stupid little kid.... at 22 years old. At 26 I'm feeling a little better about myself ;) I know that these things can get me through:

1. My God
2. My wife
3. My Boy

I'm going to start keeping this journal up again. I'm leaving behind all the sorted mess which comes before this post. True perspective. Real Perspective. Thats what I hope you all see here. I hope I can help someone with this thing instead of running around like I did in '04 trying to impress so and so. So embarrassing. I heard a great sermon on this and I think it's applicable. My wife wanted to know what I was thinking about when he preached. It was probably the whole mess that started in '99 then had a second installment c. '04. This verse tells it all and it's so great:

Phillipians 3:12-16

12 It's not that I've already reached the goal or have already completed the course. But I run to win that which Jesus Christ has already won for me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I can't consider myself a winner yet. This is what I do: I don't look back, I lengthen my stride, and 14 I run straight toward the goal to win the prize that God's heavenly call offers in Christ Jesus. 15 Whoever has a mature faith should think this way. And if you think differently, God will show you how to think. 16 However, we should be guided by what we have learned so far.

I'm alive w00t! No complaints. I've made a decision about school... is that possible? :-p you know it. I've spent that last two days doing a bit of reading, and reflection, and "fighting the demon within" Muhahahahahahaha. :-p

Right now is just a perfect time to thank God for everythign he's done, is doing, and will do for me. Without HIM, i'm nothing. i thank him for giving me an identity, an identity in his Son that noone can take from me.(Now if I could learn to walk in that identity 24-7-365.25 I'd be doing good.)

I'm speaking in sundayschool this sunday and I'm planning on teaching Out of Romans 6. I just finished up my lesson plan, so, I'm ready. Today has been kinda fast paced, nothing really interesting to any of ya's but fast paced for me none the less. Anyway, I'm about to get to studying for a couple tests that I'm hoping will bring me exemptions to some college classes hehe. Yeah good luck right?

Anyway I'm rambling which is a telltale sign to wrap it up eh Bernard? Disreguard that last one as it's so inside I doubt ANYONE reading this will get it. But it's funny to me anyway. So all of ya'll please offer up a prayer for my friend Khrystle, as she's facing a likely loss in her family. Or thats what I understand.. not sure the situation 100% or nature of it, just know she needs some prayer. Also, keep me in your prayers, and I'll be praying for all of you's!

Peace, Shalom, Good stuff,

~Nate

So yeah, It's like been a while. Or at least it seems so. The last couple months for me have been a whirlwind and I scarcely wakeup from one dream before i'm carried off into another. And so, it would seem are the days of my life. But alas, could it be that a simple ammount of stability could enter my life? Could it be that I've actually decided to return to school full time, and start over with at least a semi clean slate, to actually make something of myself? Perhaps, Doctor Nathaniel Wagner? I suppose it is.

While deadlines draw closer on me it might help to decide where I'm going to go to school, but my acceptance at two pretty nice local schools combined with my high level score at my recent SAT showing should help me out a bit. I guess the real questions now is where will i get the most money towards my school. At any rate I've run myself into the time where i'm on two dorm waiting lists and dealing with several school councelors yada yada. Time aparently is up and I'll really need to decide by Wednesday. Pray that I make the right choices here.

Lets see, lets see. Ah yes I'm also in a couple of bands one of which is abot to Start getting into recording an album. This is exciting, however I'm sure the studio time will be trying in the least. I'm not 100% sure the world is ready to... or even wishes to hear songs penned and sung by me, but hey the other members are awesome.

I guess what I'm really most happy about is the fact that God is really showing himself to me lately. He's showed me a lot about myself that even I didn't know. he's tought me to appreciate myself.. and where I come from. He's taught me that everything I am and everywhere I've been are a part of who I am. Where I used to fear who I am and who I am becoming, I now look forward to it with an urgency to follow Him. Jesus Rocks dudes.

I guess I'll leave you with a little verse that has been teaching me a lot.

james 4 starting in verse 7.

Submit yourselves therefore unto God
Resist the Devil.
And he will flee from you.
Draw Nigh to God.
And HE will draw nigh to you.

While I will probably expound on that some in SHF, I hope that that will bless you all in your days where you have troubles. For me todays one of those.

Peace Homies,

Nate

:-p

You know it's allways a funny thing when you deal with people. Especially those from whom you intend to or ARE ALLREADY purchasing services from. So as many of you know i moved out of my house last month and into a brand new apartment complex. When I moved the cable company said they'd have the cable up soon, so i'm thinking within the week. So I tell them to go ahead and set me up. Well here it is a month later and I'm like ok I finally have cable, so I think INTERNET w00t.


WRONG.

Now they tell me that it's going to be 2 to three more weeks before I have access to the internet from home. Now that leads me to ask one simple question.

WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THAT.

Here I am paying these people for something I'm not even getting. So I cal and say to them I say "Hey yo, I'm not going to pay for stuff I haven't gotten or been able to use. I'm on a very tight budget here."

And then they give me a bunch of crapola, but FINALLY wipe the charges they intended me to pay for my month of no service. People really think that they can just pressure you into stuff, but not this old boy not this time.

But then it's funny. Tomorrow I'm going to be working full time with my dad making about 3 to 4 times what i was in my other job. This is absolutely awesome. I mean I hadn't really been even praying for the oportunity of a new job even though I knew I needed one. But then God just comes through and it's like WOW. I didnt' ask for this and yet he knows I need it and he gives it to me.

Theres so many things going on with me. A lot of things that I wouldn't even try to explain here, but God knows and he's going to take care of it. There is a thing or two that this job will fix, but mainly it's going to be the endall for the one thing that I've carried with me for far too long. Whenever I seem to get ahead, I find that i am all too far behind. I think i'm going to catch up and then I fail.

I guess most of all I'm tired of being a failure. I'm tired of letting people down... of letting myself down. i'm tired of losing everyone who I hold dear because I fail to drop the other foot in bounds. i've had enough of that. The one thing that I seem to have allways been lacking is the funding to change my life, however God has decided to give me a chance even when I grew tired of asking.

here's your shocker of the day. I'm considering going into criminal law, as opposed to psychology. It's true I am co owner of a computer solutions company and best cvase scenario is for that to take off but I want to be prepared if it doesn't. I love debate, and I think that i could picture myself as an asst. DA on the prosecution side of the ballgame. Law is really a fascinating thing to me, and since I've been accepted to a few schools now i need to decide how i'm going to go from there. I guess pray for me on that aspect.

More than anything I want all my online friends to know that I do love all of ya'll and i'm sorry that i haven't been around. I'm still alive, and working on getting the whole internet thing worked out. Don't none of yall give up on me or dig my internet grave. I'm still alive and kicking in the RL world and soon I'l be back. Whether thats a good or bad thing hehe thats up to you. :-p

Oh yeah I attended the Music Midtown festival in atlanta this weekend and aside from it being fully rainy it was fun for what it was. Good bands, good friends.

Anyway enough babble from me much love to all of you and look to be making more regular updates ASAP.

~Nathaniel

Here's a little ditty I penned up this afternoon. It's come together pretty good. Or at least I think so hope yall's enjoys it.


Verse 1
There's something in the way you laugh
That calms my deepest fears.
Something about the way you smile
That heals the hurting years.
Theres something in your dancing eyes,
That shatters all my doubts.
And every time I think of you
I smile inspite of myself.

Chorus:
And I believe in you for Everythign you are.
Make a wish little girl uppon a falling star.
Take all your hopes and your dreams an hold them in your heart.
And stay beautiful as ever Forever.

Verse 2
When it seems your world
has fallen all round.
And you hopes and dreams
have all come falling down.
When your frends have gone
and left you by yourself.
Close those pretty eyes,
And fly away to somewhere else!

Repeat chorus

Bridge
No matter what they say.
You are beautiful.
no matter how you feel today.
You are Beautiful.
Forever..
Forever..

Repeate chorus.

Well it's been a millenia since i updated. I think it's about time. I guess things have been about as well as I can expect them to be. Everything in my life is not perfect.. in fact.. far from it. But i'm where God intends me to be and moving towards where he wants me to be tomorrow.

It seems today has been a day where I've just been down for no real reason. Stuff happens. I've been second guessing myself and worrying constantly about things not in my spectrum of control, however, I'm feeling ok. I think its days like today that go to prove sometimes God doesnt' intend us to KNOW everythign thats going on in our lives and the situations therein, all he asks is that we talk to him and follow his lead.

To make a longer story, much shorter, pray for my friend Michelle. She's unsaved, and she's living a life thats bound to get her hurt or even killed. Theres not much more I can do to help her except pray for her. I wonder =/ But God has a plan this i know. And I pray that someone will be able to reach her better than i was.

Well the past two days have been interesting for me to say the very least. God has shown Himself strong yet again in his direction for my life and confirmed that in so many ways. He's given me a direction again in writing my book which is cool because it is somthign that Ir eally feel he is going to use, and he even got me a co author on the book.

He's also showed me how to let go of trying to label his will and to just be confident in his time and his timing. Which is soemthing I've struggled with lately. God is great and his plans and ways are higher than mine and sometimes hard to understand but I'll follow him no matter what. And that is the greatest motivation in the world.

Well today i called up Tonya to touch base with her, and she seemd like a zombe. She was just hitting me with 1 word answers abotu everything. So I tried my best to see what was wrong if anything so I could help her. however the conversation seemed to be going nowhere. Eventually it was like she was just separated form the conversation by the time we hung up *shakes head*

It was the first time talking to her since last week as I couldnt' reach her every time I tried, but somehow... *shakes head* I don't know what was wrong with her exactly, but I think it has somethign to do with the realization of our situation. It hurts me... because... I really value her friendship, but I also really value God's direction and will for my life more than that... I don't even know if thats really the issue.

All I know is the conversation sounded like two people who didnt' know anythign about eac other talking and I've known her for three years. I guess just pray for me... pray for her... Because It's obvious that she's down and if it's nto me it's something.. so any prayers would be had.

Ok an update is well past due. So here's the skinny. It's been an interesting week, Some pretty bad stuff has happened, but then again some pretty good stuff too hehe. All in all I'm just trying to seek God's will in my life and learn patience.

I started writing a story today, it's a techno thriller kinda flavor to it. We'll see how it goes. We had some guest music today at church and it was good. I enjoyed the service a lot Pastor really hit the nail on the head for me.

Anyway, I've been writing a lot of music lately of several varieties, maybe sometime soon I'll post some of them here or something. We'll see hehe. Anyway I started assembling a band today it's really cool cause I may get to play some of the songs I've been writing for people which is allways cool.

Anyway, everyone take care and holla at me!

He yeah that's right, whatever. So yeah it's been one of those days. While my mood overall is good, It's really beginning to set in on me that I have very little life. I suppose on the one hand that's good, on the other it sucks. While on the one hand I've been focusing my engery on my walk with God, on the other, on the other hand I spend a great deal of time feeling lonely. It's natural really, doesn't mean it dont' suck hehe.

On a good note it appears that I'm getting a promotion at work just in time for me to quit this fall. Yay. At any rate, I'm alive, and around. Things look good, despite my worts perpensity towards making everythign I touch a disaster hehe. Sheesh. I luv ya'lls tho.

~nate

35 Who will come between us and the love of Christ? Will trouble, or pain, or cruel acts, or the need of food or of clothing, or danger, or the sword?
36 As it is said in the holy Writings, Because of you we are put to death every day; we are like sheep ready for destruction.
37 But we are able to overcome all these things and more through his love.
38 For I am certain that not death, or life, or angels, or rulers, or things present, or things to come, or powers,
39 Or things on high, or things under the earth, or anything which is made, will be able to come between us and the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


How many of us struggle with pain in our lives daily? Anyone besides me? Anyone out there ever feel like you are getting handled day in and day out by a band of wild hoodlams. Ever wonder what we have to lean on when daily struggles fly?

It seems like every day, we suffer whether it be unfilled needs, verbal attacks, phyiscal abuse, direct spiritual enslaught, emotional stress, so many different things from so many angles assault us daily. It's easy to get taken under.

Let's have a look at verse 37 for a second. It sya sthat we are able to overcome ALL THESE THINGS and MORE through His love. Firthermore Paul says he is Persuaded that not life or death or angels or rulers or things present or things to come, not height nor depth can separate us from the Love of God which is in Christ Jesus.

No here's a thought and it's simple.

1. We can overcoem all of our struggles and MORE through the love of Jesus.
2. Nothing that exists can SEPARATE us from that love.

If that doesn't give ya hope for your life, I don't know what will!

God bless you all,
Nate.

Well, I haven't updated my personal LJ for a while. I think it's time. recently my life has been quite normal on the surface. And I thank God for the stability he's given me in Him and in His direction for my life. I thank him for the friends he's given me and how He's brought me to a place where I'm being able to minister for him.

Under the surface, however i've been answering some personal questions, and learnign to be satisfied with the "lack of" answers. I think that sometimes it's so tempting to just want God to give us clear cut answers in every situation in our lives, and it's true that often he Does, but there is also an issue of patience.

Right now for me the thing God is teaching me more than anything is patience. I pray that he'll show me more and more of how to wait on Him and His timing in my life. He hasn't led me astray yet and I know he never will. Well, I'm outy.

Well I got some sleep last night. Amazingly enough. It wasn't a lot, but I thank God that i got more than 3 hours. As I'm sure many of you know I;ve gone through a breakup lately which is kinda hurting me a good bit, and while things have very recently taken a turn for the better in that area, I am still dealing with it a lot. And I'm just trying to adjust. God's helped me this far and I know he won't abandon me now, but it still hurts a lot. Anyway work is calling my name so I better head out.

Well as usual I don't claim the credit for this song aside from that He chose to give it to Me! Praise Him for that. Here is the song that I finished just now, I'd like to share it.


On and On
Nate Wagner

Bm G/Bm D A Bm G/Bm D
Father of creation, how we love to praise Your name.
A Bm G/Bm D A Em G
For who You are, You are ex-alted above any other name.
Bm G/Bm D A Bm G/Bm D
You send your Spirit in our lives, You make us whole, You give us grace.
A Bm D Em G
And we come before You Father and we long to seek Your face.
Em G
And we sing to You,
Em G
And bring praise to You.

CHORUS:
Bm G/Bm D
On and on and on we'll praise You.
A Bm G/Bm D
On and on and on we'll sing.
A Bm G/Bm D
We will worship You forever!
A Em G
we declare Your majesty.
Em G
We declare Your majesty.
Bm
On and On.

We praise You, for who You are to us.
We love You, for what You've done for us.
We bow down and seek Your face and we

Sing to You,
And bring praise to You!

RPT. CHORUS

You know I've learned that you really don't need to sleep to live. That's right I mean I get some sleep usually at least a good hour to 45 minutes a day. On good days though I get at least 3 hours. I've kinda been doing the insomnia thing for a few weeks. It's like i lay down and mu brain won't flip the off button or something. I mean I don't really have anything on my mind... I just... lay there.

So I get up and walk ack down to the 'puter, long after everyoe's gone and I whoop out my bible study stuff and spend time with God. But then when I'm done, I'm awake and I'm like wow.. and then *insert stuff*

at any rate i'm very much alive and in good spirits albeit my emotions run around like the stupid little emoticon guy hehe, Not sure about all that, but I'm actually quite stable.

Scary no? Ok so I have little more to blab about today, except for the fact that I had yet another adventure at work wher eI aparently caught the dog on fire. But I'm not much for typing tonight so I'm going to end this entry here.

His peace be with you all

Last night I did not sleep well at all, and thus spent much of the night praying and reaing my Bible. When i did sleep I was tormented by some pretty bad dreams. Ya know I struggled to find clarity for situations in my life. I wanted to find the reason and the rhyme for WHY thing happen the way they do, or what I can do to change things.

I was returned repeatedly to one verse. It was Isaiah 40:31

"But those who are waiting for the Lord will have new strength; they will get wings like eagles: running, they will not be tired, and walking, they will have no weariness."

Its so hard, to be honest in life many many times, when you feel the need to just DO SOMETHING about the situation you are in. It's hard when you want to second guess the leading of Gods will and substitute your own. However in trying to attain our own freedom, we tie ourselves down. I can't say that I have this perfected, because I do not, but what I can say, is that I'm praying this in my life. I'm praying patience, and that God will teach me more and more to wait on Him.

It's so obvious that when we take things from his hands, sure we run, but we grow weary, and when we grow weary, we'll walk, but we're eventually going to faint. Here the scriptures are telling us that if we'll wait on the Lord, and wait on His will for us and be patient and not get ahead of His gameplan we're going to "mount up" or a more literal translation says that we'll produce pinions as eagles. The thought of large strong, feathered wing that give us the ability to soar high above the things that hold us down.

Father, please show me how to wait for You. Teach me patience and courage. Give me steadfastness in my walk with You. God I pray that I'll run with You, and not grow weary, and that I'll walk with You and not faint. Thank you Jesus,

Amen

I have some news. I just found this out from my friend. A couple in my church that lives right down the street from me the husband comitted suicide this morning. I dont' know them well, but I would ask that ms. Watson be in your prayers during this time.

A paster friend of mine asked me to sing a song this saturday night, and I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted to sing. I prayed about it and found one that really ministers to me. I'm hoping that I can get my friend Beth to sing it with me, but anyway here are the lyrics they really mean a lot to me and i hope they may mean something to one of you.

WHERE THERE IS FAITH

I believe in faithfulness
I believe in giving of myself for someone else
I believe in peace and love
I believe in honesty and trust but it’s not enough
For all that I believe may never change the way it is
Unless I believe Jesus lives

Where there is faith
There is a voice calling, keep walking
You’re not alone in this world
Where there is faith
There is a peace like a child sleeping
Hope everlasting in He who is able to
Bear every burden, to heal every hurt in my heart
It is a wonderful, powerful place
Where there is faith

There’s a man across the sea
Never heard the sound of freedom ring
Only in his dreams
There’s a lady dressed in black
In a motorcade of cadillacs
Her daddy’s not coming back
Our hearts begin to fall
And our stability grows weak
But Jesus meets our needs if only we believe

Hey ya'll.

Heh I'm coming to ya tonight and I won't lie I'm a good bit down. No I suppose theres really only so far down that I can really be knowing where I stand with HIM, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like I'm running out of friends. Sure I have plenty of people that I associate with, but very few actual close friends. Aparently this evening I just lost 2 more. :(

I feel very alone right now. I've taken this to Jesus and I am confident that He will be faithful to pull me through. But it hurts so badly. Here I am people who I love very dearly, and I find out that they've been talking about me behind my back, and even making up stories about me :(. Sure it hurts to know when people don't like you, or are upset with you. But it hurts doubly when it's someone close to you who you trust, and care deeply about. I'm crushed :(.

Maybe I'm being a cry baby about this, and hey they are upset with me for following HIS will. I had a choice to make I knew it needed to be made and I made it. I was told that I had support, in reality I had bitterness and accusations. I just dont' know 100% what to think, or who to talk to, or who will listen... aside from Him. :( I will however carry on in the hope He gives. Please however, if you're out there reading this... pray for me.

Hebrews 12

(1)Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (2)Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (3)Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

The Winners Circle.


Sometimes you find little things in the Word that are so simple and so plain, and yet so potent. Hebrews 12:1-3 is just such an occurance. It has become a staple read for many Christians including myself as it sums up so many things so plainly. I'd like to go through the passage and point out what is so perfectly obvious. But sometimes there is much to be gained in what seems obvious. i pray that something here will bless your life as it allways does mine.

Verse 1 starts out calling to our minds a great motivation force. "Seeing therefore that we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses." This great cloud of witnesses are those who have gone on before us. It's grandmother who spent time praying for her children and their families. It's the old country minister who has spent his whole life preaching the gospel. It's missionaries, Prophets of old. It's Saints, it's Christ Jesus our Lord... Truly We are being watched daily by a great cloud of witnesses. We bear the torch which was carried by those who have gone before us. We truly stand in a great company of the faith.

An interesting fact is that our motivation is given FIRST followed by the activity that is to be taken. In this case we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses therefore we are to take appropriate action which is then defined. "let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." We are to shed the things which hold us back, and we are to run with perceverance our race. These things are sins and ANYTHING that hinders. Whatever hinders us from advancement in our faith and our walk with Christ we are to shed it, to put it awayl This includes our petty differences, our personal desires, our sins, our selfishness. ANYTHING that hinders us, but then again what exactly hinders us? Well its right there. We are to look ONLY unto Jesus. He is the Author and the PERFECTOR of our faith.

now right here the author stops to give us a little reminder of WHO Jesus Christ is and Why he is the author and the perfector of our faith. It tells us that "for the joy that was set before him he endured the cross and scorned it's shame. And sat down at the right hand of God the father. WOW. A slight examination of that text makes you think. What exactly was this Joy that was set before Christ? It was Me, and it was YOU. There is one reason and one reason olny that Jesus endured the cross. He scorned the shame, the shame meant NOTHING to him in light of the PRIZE. We are the Prize of Jesus Christ. We are the reason that He gave his life on a cruel and bitter cross. It was all for us, His children.

In the End we are admonithed in our race. "Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Just as we were Christs prize at the cross, he is Our prize in eternity. We think of Him, of His sacrifice of what he paid and the things that this world throws our way become shadows, they become a footnote to a footnote. We use this as our motivation so that we do not loose heart. Wow.

The summary is simple, the text so self explainitory. We are running a race, all of us who have believed into Christ as our savior. During that race we grow tired along the way, and enemies come at us from all sides. But we have a following. We have a group of people who WANT to see us succeed. We have a group of "hall of famers" if you will that are rooting for us. People who have gone before and showed us how to run the race to it's end. And we have a prize waiting at the end of the track!. That prize is the greatest runner of all time. A runner who ran the perfect race, only to be declared the looser, but who came back and was awarded the title of Champion that can never be taken from him. And He wants us to finish our race and he waits for us. We think of that, and we keep heart. We run our race, and we look towards our prize, with the thousands who have gone before cheering us on. Surely, well fall, but we will not give up. For we know our reason for running this race, and we know whats waiting in the winners circle.